Why Sudbury parents probably didn’t get Valentine's crafts from their kids this weekend…

In most elementary schools, it’s almost universal for kids to have valentine crafts planned by a teacher for the students to bring home to their parents. It may be as simple as a preprinted coloring sheet or maybe there will be glue and glitter involved. It’s nice as a parent to receive these little gifts from our kids and maybe it’s one of the small sacrifices Sudbury parents have to make, because in all likelihood Sudbury parents are not receiving these little crafts and tokens. So let’s explore why not and what that means.

At Sudbury schools, the art supplies are available all the time, not just during a scheduled art class or activity time. Maybe some supplies require a special certification process, like to use the hot glue gun, and maybe things like glitter have been voted out of the school for mess reasons, but paper and crayons are pretty universally accessible. There may even be heart stickers available, but will students think to make a craft for their parents around particular holiday? Maybe… but they’re typically more likely to make art for art’s sake or make something to give a friend!

One of the most difficult parts, I believe, for adults in giving kids the autonomy to choose their activities is that it’s often not exactly gratifying for the adult. As much as we may believe in the power of empowerment, it feels good to feel included and thought of.

I’ve found a pattern over the years that younger students new to our community are the most likely to make something for me to display at my desk. I suspect that’s because they’re often coming from environments where the expectation is to please the adults. The adults in most school environments hold tremendous power and dole out tremendous amounts of praise and critique throughout the day.

Over time, the small gifts of art projects decrease and I actually take that as a good sign. They don’t need to please me or even appease me. If they’re creating something, it’s going to be for themselves or for a friend. I keep their creations and have a little display shelf by my desk, but they don’t need to add to it to feel I’ll care for them.

When you don’t get a Valentine craft from your Sudbury student, it’s not a lack of love, it’s simply a lack of force. We don’t make anyone do a craft. We let them choose their daily path - a deep kind of love for them both in the immediacy of their childhood and adolescence and for the longer term goal of helping them practice choosing their own steps.

That they’re not bringing home heart shaped coloring sheets means that you’re giving them the biggest Valentine gift ever - the deeply glittering gift of love for their choices and their own interests. And when your child does present you with an expression of love (in a gift, a hug, an act of service, some time spent sitting together… there are many ways to express love!), you’ll know it wasn’t forced. It’s the real deal. ❤️