Open House Reflections

This weekend we welcomed interested families into our Sudbury home for an “Open House” where they could look around our unique space, meet students, parents, and staff, and participate in a group discussion. We asked everyone in the discussion circle to share something they noticed and a question on their minds. I want to share some things I noticed that day.

The first thing I noticed is something one of our Sudbury parents also pointed out during the discussion - how comfortable our students seem around adults. Sudbury students typically have a unique ease about themselves around adults, which I believe comes from interacting with staff members at school who they don’t have to please or perform for. Staff are adults in their lives who have the gift of simply being able to be present for young people. While of course we keep an eye out for safety and the health of our democratic community, we purposefully do not hold or wield power over our students. They can choose to speak with us or not. They don’t need our approval any more than they do for any other member of the community. Over time, we find this creates an ease that extends to their interactions with adults outside our community. Perhaps they expect to give and receive the same respect they’ve become used to it. Perhaps the “adult” has been demystified by the more level playing field. Whatever the combination of elements, it’s an often commented upon effect that Sudbury students seem remarkably comfortable around adults.

Along similar lines, several visitors commented upon the warmth and welcome they felt coming into our space. It’s a low pressure, noncompetitive environment where people of a variety of ages choose to be and find delight and fulfillment in being. Two Sudbury parents shared that their children love coming to school and don’t want to miss a day. Yes, they can choose what they do throughout most of the school day, but I believe it’s much more than that. They’re co-owners and co-creators of the space. They and their opinions matter greatly. Again, they expect to be respected. I believe there’s something that just feels right to the human person about being treated as a human person - not as a product or project, but as a person. That’s a place you want to be and want to welcome others to share.

Lastly, I felt mindful of how nearly impossible it must be for many in that room to really imagine what our space looks and feels like when it’s full of vibrant young people going about their day. From where I sat on the couch I could see in my mind’s eye someone walking to the kitchen to eat a snack while someone else headed into the art studio looking for a friend and three others played in the gym. I could see a student that often does coding on a laptop at one table and four others playing cards at the other. If more adults could see and feel the vibrancy of daily co-creation and choice in our community, I want to believe it would start to “make sense” that young people who are allowed to make choices become so confident and competent that they learn anything they decide to learn. We have no need to force learning. We get to delight in each day unfolding.

Perhaps some of the new families that visited will decide to join us on the Sudbury journey. But even if they do not, we hope they’ll have had their minds opened to this deeply human way of interacting with young people. They’ll have had a glimpse of the power of effort without force, the warmth of respect that transforms, and the delight of witnessing young people learn to make decision because they were truly given the opportunity to make them. ❤️