WHAT IS CURIOSITY? AND WHY DOES UNDERSTANDING IT MATTER, IN GETTING OUR CHILDREN TO ‘LISTEN’? by Jilna Patel Jasani When our 4-year-old pushes our 11-month-old... When our 7-year-old forgets something for the tenth time…. When our 6-year-old hoards her toys... When our 8-year-old doesn't play fair… When our 3-year-old has a meltdown… When our 5-year-old lies about how much screen time he’s used... We find ourselves helpless in an emotional reaction of anger, frustration, irritation, sadness, victimhood, or shame. So we turn to discipline to gain control. “Stop it, or you’re going into a time out.” “Why are you so forgetful? “Lying is disrespectful. Speak the truth.” “Share, or I’m taking it away.” “If you can’t play fair, then you can’t play at all.” “Last time I took you, you screamed the whole time. So this time, you’re staying home.” We point fingers at our children and sometimes at our spouse, mother-in-law, culture, or teachers as to why our children are acting out in the way they are. We blame, control, and discipline. But none of it works. We continue to find ourselves in similar situations at least every few hours, if not every other day. We wonder why our children act out in the same way over and over again. Surely, it’s not our intention, because it feels exhausting and we want SO badly for our children to behave so we can find peace after a long day’s work. We witness their flailing arms and legs or hysterical cries and quickly make assumptions on why we think they’re acting that way. He’s aggressive; he needs to be taught it’s not okay to hit… She’s so lazy… He is a typical toddler, he lies… She doesn’t know how to share… Let him cry it out; he’s so stubborn… She needs to learn her lesson… What if I told you our children are expressing their inability to communicate their needs? And our reactions are a result of a lack of curiosity about their needs. Or, said another way, a lack of presence and understanding. Finding Curiosity: |
MAIN Author: CHRISTEN PARKER-YARNAL
|